PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1959)

Okay, so everybody talks about how bad this movie is. That it’s the worst thing ever, and that Edward D. Wood, Jr. is the worst director of all time. Let me tell you right now that I’ve seen a lot worse than this. Maybe it’s because I saw the Johnny Depp movie before I saw this, or read up on Ed Wood’s career after I saw the Johnny Depp movie, but I like to think that it’s just because there’s a lot worse movies out there. Anyway, the story is this: aliens have already gone through plans 1-8 without conquering Earth, so you know right off the bat that they’re pretty lame for aliens. So they proceed to “plan 9: resurrection of the dead.” They figure that if they raise up a zombie army they can either scare people into submission or take them by force. They only manage to raise up three people, though. One is Tor Johnson, who’s a H-U-G-E Swedish wrestler (okay, he’s playing a detective, but that’s beside the point), one is Vampira (hubba hubba!), and one is played by Bela Lugosi part of the time and Ed Wood’s chiropractor the rest of the time. There’s lots of stock footage, and lots of bad dialogue, but it’s all pretty fun. It never gets boring, and that’s the worst thing that can happen. It keeps moving, like a resurrected corpse!

DRACULA (1931)

Okay, I know everyone says this is a classic. But as much as I hate to say it, this thing plods. Aside from a few good things (like Bela’s performance and his entrance at Castle Dracula), it’s like watching paint dry. It’s almost like the director (Tod Browning) saw the play, thought “I can film that,” and just set up his camera. This is weird, because most of his other movies (like FREAKS or THE DEVIL DOLL) are so much more lively. I wish I knew what went on behind the scenes on this to make his direction so blah. Skip this and see the Hammer version, HORROR OF DRACULA, instead.